The Gay Virgin Fables

"Love isn't a transaction, you don't just get what you put in."
"Why is it gays always feel 40 when they're 18?"

Few of my favourite lines from the show "Boy Culture" (2006)

In one of the scenes, the character named Blowey Joey says "Congratulations! you're a stage two fag."

When asked to elaborate on what he meant, he said " You were a stage one for like, a year, you first come out and think you're not gonna be slutty so that you can find this perfect boyfriend who's also not slutty."

"But now you're stage two, have fun, see a hot guy...screw around."


Oh Sweet Virgin Mary and Joseph! I've been a stage one for 6 years now! ...and counting.

Is this true? Does every gay guy's state of mind go through the metamorphosis of a virginal cocoon to a slutty flutter-by? Is it an inevitable change one must go through before one becomes a full fag? - promiscuous wings and all.

What triggers someone to go into stage two I wonder?

I dreamt of meeting this very built muscular man.
He was attractive and bare-chested. I met him on the street in the dark night. (probably a hustler)

I was driving a jeep, or some kind of large four-wheel drive. I pulled him into the car and he willingly followed. We were going to elope.

A very short and bumpy ride later, he hadn't said anything yet, but I understood him anyway. I stopped the car right under an open window to realize that someone I knew, whom I wasn't out to yet, was staring at us.

I panicked; ran out of the car and Mr Hustler followed. The acquaintance whom I was trying to avoid simply stood there,watching. My lover,the hustler, suddenly grabbed me against his bare chest. I felt like he was saying - we don't have to hide anymore.

He kissed me there and then, passionately. His tongue slipped into mine and I could feel him inside me.(his tongue alright!). He began to sort of suck on my tongue...like a lollipop. His saliva was leaking into my mouth, and his tongue began to lick the roof of my mouth. Next thing I know, he sucked my tongue right out of my mouth and held it there, like some oral tug of war.

What the fuck!

I pushed him back and walked away...It was soooo OVER.
Dream boy or not. A bad kisser is a deal breaker.
Nightmares be gone!

There are a few greats that a girl waits for in her life.

Her great kiss,
Her great love,
and her Great Celebrity Crush!

After drowning in the fantasy of the Thai Gay Romance Movie - The Love of Siam, I am officially a fangirl of Mario Maurer.

The German-Chinese and Thai boy stole my heart not just with his adorable looks, but with the kindness that his character portrays.

Those eyes are so beautiful that it's painful to look at.

In the land of Gaydom, there is a daily dance of courtship that occurs all over gay networking sites in the dot com universe.

Queer to Queer networking (as I like to call it) is nothing new, and has already been taken advantage of. Sites such as Gay.com, Fridae, Jake, ManJam, Connexion and such, are the mythical Royal Masquerade Ball of Cybergaydom; Where the gay princes search for their queens, or better yet, lifetime civil partners.




The cyber world in general, is a place of mystique and strangers. You can never be sure who you're really talking to behind that cute Username and that immaculate photoshopped picture. The typical setup would start with them filling up your inbox with flowers, hearts or for the hornier ones, pictures of their unwrapped horndogs. They begin to chat you up, and inevitably,they then proceed to the invite to meet up.
Yes my queer as folks,today I speak of the fabled "Cyber Stranger Meet-ups"

I confess, I am a neophyte to the world of online hookups. I've previously ever only gone to one; which I might add, ended up in horrible disgrace.
'Why?' you ask? Well, let us just say I ended up overdressed, meeting three OTHER gay guys,all of whom were in t-shirts or singlets (gay formal?) and one of them being the meet-up guy's boyfriend! Disaster du jour was on the menu.

That was sooo NOT what i had in mind at all.

However,It has been years since. I have just been approached for a meet-up using the rare "Let's just meet for coffee." versus the infamous 'Let's meet for some "Fun".'. For those of you who are a total virgin to Gaydom jargon,"fun" here means casual sex.

Back to the topic. Although I am highly skeptical of the gay community, I decided to try it out even if I wasn't really interested. If nothing, At least I'd get a good post for you blogwhores to read or introduced to a really hot friend of his. Still, I went through the full jitters of emotions. he was sweet enough to reassure me and gave me the upper hand by letting me choose the time and place of our (dare I say it...) date.

My palms sweated and my brain whirred to think of plans. I made sure he gave me his number instead so that my number was safely concealed, if things turned out disastrous once again. I made sure I didn't reveal my address. The time and place I chose had to be somewhere that I felt comfortable in. Bright with people around, so that I can't be raped (I'm serious here!), yet discreet so that it would go unnoticed. I even prepared an exit plan, to be used if things go totally 10-Things-I-Hate-About-You as my date.

Yes, I am Lady Disturbia. However, you can never be too careful when dealing with the Cyber Strangers.
In the Masquerade of Cybergaydom, how do we know who is behind the MSN Mask and the Chatroom Costumes ? Is it ever really safe to meet the man behind the cyber mask? Are we setting ourselves up to meet the Phantoms of the Opera v.9.52?

What are your strategies against these Cyber Strangers?

There was once a Gay virgin who lived in a bright and shiny city. He had some friends over to his house for some cocktails and drinking games. Three gay guys, two straight guys, two girls.
Out of the three gay guys, One was a virgin (Mr.Venus), One was a flirt (Julian), and One more a slut (Lingam).
Out of the two straight guys, One was a gay straight guy (A metrosexual),the other a straight straight guy (the strong and silent manly type).

The two girls are fag hags. One was Miss Kim , One a boyish straight girl.
Surprisingly, after a little alcohol intoxication, the Straight straight guy lowered his head and began to cry! this came as an absolute shock to all of us as we knew him to be a man's man. This seemingly unprovoked display of raw emotions seemed...very uncharacteristic, to say the least.

Weren't straight guys supposed to be able to shovel emotions aside and deal with it rationally? Why do I, as a gay guy, feel so tragically uncomfortable when I see a straight guy cry?
Was I subconsciously believing that straight guys are supposed to be emotionally stronger than gay guys?

Julian felt the same way about seeing straight guys cry. Was it a form of straight discrimination I wondered. However, as a bunch of gay guys would do,we threw the white flag and ran for cover. Lingam,Julian and I grabbed Miss Kim and left for the gay club called Barry's. We waited for the rest to work out the drama as they were closer to each other.

At Barry's, Gaydom was in full swing. Men rubbing their bodies on other men; pairs of eyes locking on each other for a sign of interest; music pounding to the vibrating hips of queens.

More beers later, the rest have arrived - 7 mismatched friends ,drunk and getting more jugs of beers.

Lingam our token gay slut was hitting on every gay guy within his reach, tapping their shoulders and giving a flirty ~ 'hi!'. Soon, he even began to attack Julian. Julian had just met Lingam, so let's just say he didn't really want the attention.What a mess! Miss Kim had to intervene to save Julian,intentionally blocking Lingam from him. Lingam found the sport tiring and suddenly disappeared out the door, last spotted with an older guy on his arm.

I, on the other hand, was suddenly grabbed by the straight straight guy to dance up a storm on the stage. Twirling and whirling away, I had no idea that Mr strong and silent could dance at all. Soon, Mr metrosexual joined in as I began to REALLY enjoy myself; sandwiched between two really hot straight guys that were apparently not afraid to be "gay", I was living my gayboy fantasy. Giving these Straightlanders a passport to Gaydom.

I admit, I have a straightlander fetish. There's a comfort and security in liking the straight boys, knowing that it won't end up in a one night stand. Furthermore, these so-called-straight boys were quickly turning into gayboys.

What is happening to the straight boys of the world though? Was it an evolutionary phenomenon? I called them the gay Straight boys.
The gay Straight boys is a new breed. Unlike the straight Gay boy who are simply straight-acting,gay boys; The gay Straight boys are well dressed,kind and emotional creatures that possess an inner beauty that I can't resist.

This new breed is my drug. If only the Straight part included the ability to fall in love with a guy.

Damn Straight--guys.

Once upon a time, in a land far, far away called Gaydom... there lived a group of people called- Homosexuals. They engaged in dating, sex and relationships, but the rules of courtship were very different from the neighboring country, Straightland.

In Gaydom, it seems that the popular Straightland rules of courtship blurs into confusion. At least,from what this particular Gaylander observes. Where straighties would first meet, then date, then develop feelings, get married and finally have sex; those of Gaydom might meet, have sex, then develop feelings...not get married...have sex again then date, done in no particular order.

Which makes me wonder,
Is there a proper Gaydom procedure when it comes to courtship? or is it all not what it's cracked up to be?

When asked, many would answer that Love should come first. However, a Homosexual couple I know had sex the very first time they met before deciding to develop things from there. It seems that an unprecedented course, such as this, works too as the couple are still together; lasting much longer than the usual expiry date that mark gay relationships.

One night stands are like handshakes to some gay men. After sex, (the glue that holds gay relationships together apparently) these gay men can then judge if the relationship will work or not; perhaps, relationship was the last thing on their mind at the time and they were just out for some "fun", but then it grew to become something else.

So is the famous "meet and greet" one-night-stands the new gay Relationshipometer? A great f*ck = a great future? How will a gay virgin like me ever find Mr Right without such a measuring tool? I know a few no-longer-gay-virgins who caved in at the notion that they wouldn't fit in if they failed to succumb; and such is the sad reality. The nice guys finish last.

I don't wish to judge these methods as right or wrong; but I would propose that the citizens of Gaydom consider the value of slowing down the sexual process a bit. Let love have time to hatch first before we rush into the frenzied chicken-dance of lovemaking.

All traffic lights turn from red to green , sometimes with the helpful transition of the yellow light.
Many of us have met with this decision, whether driving a car or taking the pedestrian crossing, you'll see the light change, signaling the closing of your window of opportunity.

Do you wait till the light turns green again, or rush forward before it turns red?

Dating in the gay world, the main difference from its straight counterpart is the chance for romance comes ever so rarely. Some say that we should wait for Mr.Right to find us, whilst others advocate that we go out and find Mr.Right.

Do we rush into the busy highways of the dating world? or wait safely but eternally on the edge of Singles Street?

Miss Kim , the self confessed temporary bisexual, is coming to the city; like her split sexual orientation, she thinks that there are different rules for two types of people. The good looking= Mr. Right comes to them. The ordinary= they have to look for Mr. Right.

Xan the philosopher suggests that we can only wait so long, and then it will be a time to take action. But how long is too long? Finally, Coco calmly says, "we should wait - (no doubt trusting that Mr.Right should be looking for her )- but create more opportunities for him to find you."

So maybe the question is more of a Where and When to wait, rather than the question of whether to wait at all.

Last week, I thought - to hell with it, why not write an email to this guy whom I met online, he seems cute-

Not only was my email not replied to, I have a sense of foreboding that I've just been marked off as desperate. How is a gay guy supposed to make a connection in such a world? Where advances are seen as desperation and shyness,as a weakness.

Can you tell me your first thought of a gay virgin isn't "there must be something wrong with him."? Virgins have an expiry date on them and they don't even know it. Unlike wine, the longer we wait, the more likely the product is believed to be spoilt.

It might be time to speed pass the lights, the next green light might be my menopausal state.

"Behind every successful man, is a woman"

This saying is even more true for a gay guy and his fag hags. Gay men are not just supported by their fag hags. They are married soul mates.

No matter how down in the dumps a gay guy can get, you can always be sure that the fag hags are there to cheer them up. Shopping, eating, watching a movie or bitching, These therapies are absolutely essential to a gay guys sanity.

It got me thinking, Does the fag hag maketh the gay man, Or the gay man that determines his fag hags? How do we really know whose who's accessory?

Obviously where I am lacking in boyfriends, I make up for it in girlfriends. Perhaps there are different degrees of gayness that will appeal to different girls. I have attracted a truckload, but only a mini-cooper full of true,close-to-the-heart fag hags.

My own fag hags have actually stopped thinking of me as a male. I guess that makes me...extremely gay? However, the girls that are there for me makes my world a lot more bearable. I actually pick the girls that connect with a part of my personality, one persona each. I do this in the knowledge that their influence is going to create the future me.

A fag hag's word weighs its weight in gold, as far as a gay guy is concerned. She decides what to wear so that he matches her outfit, who to hate and who to like,and of course, exclusive voting rights on the guys he's interested in.

Recently, Coco the Fashionista, my closest fag hag in the city, decided that i should like this bisexual guy we met together. A chance meeting at the bar where he works, became a really good time (probably due to the cocktails). Coco found him to be a charming specimen who shared her passion for fashion. She claims her gaydar went off, whilst I was too high to decide anyway; My interests peaked all the same.

However, on the second date, he invited us to go to a club, We bought ourselves drinks since he didn't offer to buy any for us. No wonder he's a bisexual, a cardinal rule of gay dating is to always gain the fag hag's approval. Bisexual guy here had no clue.
He then ran into some friends of his and left us dancing on our own. Coco frowned, he had just expressed that he'd rather hang out with other people. Thankfully Coco found some friends of her own to run into and social order was restored. After all, how could he expect to diss us like that without consequences?

It was then I realized,without Coco's approval, that I found him uninteresting and that any attraction was, primarily, stirred up by Coco in the first place.

After that, we both decided that he was boring and annoying. I was free from getting things complicated with a Bisexual guy and Coco avoids him now, and I'm happy to follow suit. After all, a fag hag's words are amazingly persuasive. Perhaps the fag hag does maketh the gay guy. So keep all your fag hags (as many as you can handle) close by for a balanced influence. 'All your fag hags you say?"

Well like Sarah Jessica Parker and her shoes. The more the merrier.

They say Venus, the Roman Goddess, was worshiped as the goddess of chastity by the womenfolk despite her many affairs with gods and mortals.

One mortal, born under the star of Venus, was brought into this world having a feminine soul but a masculine body. Perhaps the aspect of chastity fell upon him as Mr .Venus turned 21 with his virginity intact, a crazy knack for falling for straight guys, and never quite finding someone to start a relationship with.

The ironic Child of Venus, cursed at the very thing his star sign should be auspicious for, Love.

It was not that Mr. Venus was unattractive, nor poor, nor stupid; there was not even anything wrong with him. Fate simply dealt a unique set of cards for him, and he unwittingly found himself in another country where love still eludes him.


This is the fable of the Gay Virgin.